Thursday, October 12, 2017

Why the President Is Stimulating Foreign Nuclear Programs


Whenever possible, the president does his best to accelerate the nuclear programs of foreign nations. At first, his attempts were limited to friendly, well-written emails and polite phone calls, but these had little effect. It was simply not possible to motive other nations to work harder this way.
So he decided to do the opposite. His new efforts would be very public, and very insulting.
When North Korea shyly tried to show the world their latest, coolest, toy – a shiny new rocket they’d crafted in a basement, the president immediately sent out a slew of disparaging tweets. NK had hoped people would clap, tell them how awesome their little rocket was, how smart they were for building it, and finally take them seriously. Perhaps even allow them to sit at the big-kids table at the next secret heads-of-states party. But all they got was taunts.
So they stepped up their efforts. They’d show the big kids. They’d make them pay. They’d build the biggest, most awesome-est rocket and stick the biggest, most awesome-est bomb on top of it.
Which was exactly what the president wanted them to do. But it still wouldn’t be enough, so he went looking for other ways to increase the global nuclear arsenal.
He found an old deal that prevented Iran from developing their nuclear program. He was appalled. This was the exact opposite of what the world needed. He would break this deal, but do it in a way that made it look like he actually wanted a more restrictive deal. A deal Iran would never accept.
The expected result? Iran would have to step out of the deal and accelerate their nuclear program. Even though they didn’t really want to, even though they’d already become bored with nuclear toys five Christmases earlier.
But still, the president felt, this wouldn’t be enough. There had to be more nuclear weapons and there needed to be more conflict. Much, much more conflict.
The reason for this was, obviously, that the president was the only person smart enough to decipher the crop circles decades earlier. They were, in fact, a warning from an inter-dimensional species.
‘Build weapons,’ this warning said. ‘THEY are coming.’
So the president was doing whatever he could to save the planet, stave off the coming aliens. And, if it didn’t work, he’d lay a trap for them. It’d be easy enough with the increased earth arsenal and the high-running tensions he’d created.
He’d blow up earth in a suicide mission to protect other civilizations from the aliens.
It wouldn’t take much. All he needed to do was send the right tweet insulting the right people... Continue reading.

Similar posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

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